The Free Men

THE FREE MEN

We sometimes meet men who think of relationship as the scariest thing in life. Commitment is the second scariest. How would you get to be with them?

It’s not the commitment that we are afraid of. It’s the freedom that we cannot have anymore if we are in a serious relationship with a girl.

(Michael – Freelance designer)

I think commitment has been a great issue for men for a very long time. It will never disappear. It will always be there in your relationship with any men. I have dated like almost 10 guys and all of them have issue with commitment.

(Louisa – General Manager)

No, commitment has never been an issue for me. When you get to meet the right person, you will want to spend the rest of your life only with her.

(Ahmad – Account Executive)

Remember Charles? He’s the man whom I met first at Starbuck and later on made me think over to start a new relationship. I though, he might be the one.

We met for a couple of times. He is such a busy man, and so am I. But then I found out that he is so difficult in such a way. We never really talk about the relationship that we are having. We only talk about how wonderful life is, politics, art, how Indonesia has not been a good place to live, and how women and men are such different creatures.

Then one day when I met him for the seventh time. I felt like life has granted me a chance to see him today. I have a plan to put our relationship into a gambling table. It’s either we continue the relationship to a more serious path or we should left it behind and continue only as good friends. Because, honestly, I don’t trust in such thing as “Teman Tapi Mesra (TTM)”-thingy these days anymore.

And there he was, still looking so smart and adorable as I have always pictured him in my mind, eating a full plate of meat salad. I was so sure that he was the one. I knew it from the way he looked into my eyes, so deep and so meaningful. And when he gave me a smile that made my heart melt, I threw the question into the gambling table.

You have been such a special person

I would dare to go through any rough journey with you

But certainty has been a big question in my heart

Like Shakespeare said…

“The question is to be or not to be.”

It was an hour ago that I risked my dignity asking such question. Call me conventional, but I still live in a world where women are not to propose to men first. I am sitting in my car, alone, in the basement parking lot in Mal Puri Indah. I have tears all over my face.

“Diva…Sorry I have to tell you this. But I just got the news yesterday. I’ve always dreamt of pursuing my dream abroad. After my postgraduate in the State, I dreamt of living abroad and spending the rest of my life there. And yesterday I just got a letter, telling me that my permanent residence request in Canada is granted. I’m leaving for Quebec in eight months. Then I just realized that I can’t have a serious relationship yet. Not until if I felt sick of being alone. This is my dream….I’ve dreamt of it for a long time, Va… I have never intended to hurt you or anything. But I like being with you. You are such a special person. But I can’t have a serious commitment yet.”

The sparkles in his eyes, the blush in his cheek and the far-look-away daydream in his face made me realize that I have lost my game. Yup, I have lost the gamble.

Wiping the tears out of my cheek and eyes, I realize now that it is not the dream that he is pursuing. It’s the commitment issue. He could have asked me to move to Canada with him. But, no, he didn’t do it. He just left me behind.

To all the men out there….

When women asked for a commitment, we had never meant to put your life as our possession. It is just the warm and safe feeling when we know that we can always count on you if we were in the middle of huge storm. Don’t be afraid then, because we just want to share our heart with you.