the ENCOUNTER

I saw you and I ran away unconciously....
Well, I did pray to not make me run into you
When I caught your figure, without any further thought (and obviously I didn't even know why I suddenly do it without even thinking), I just turned around
You were not much different...walking calmly through the crowd
But my heart had changed

Despite all the past that we've been through, I just turned away from you on that moment, on that day's encounter...

Still Reminds Me

(Anggun C. Sasmi)

Ku hitung jari..jari
I cut off my hair
Put some red on every nail on my feet
I think it’s pretty
I repainted all the rooms
Got a cat that I named june, obviously..I think she’s happy...
Friends threw some parties
I’ve been to them all there’s not one that I missed...

C/o
And I’ve tried to spend my time with somebody new
But everyone still reminds me of you
I tried to play some songs that’d changed my point of view
But every sound still reminds me of you
I’ve done some walking
Listen to the people talk on the street...I don’t feel lonely..
I saw some movies
But your face kept coming back on the screen
I think I’m crazy
Can’t make decisions
I could use some more distractions today

Chorus(bridge)
I wonder where did I go wrong? ...
What made you gone...How I hate to feel alone.....(somebody new.......reminds me of you...)

Chorus
I’ve tried to spend my time with somebody new
But everyone still reminds me of you
Tried to play some songs that’d changed my point of view
But every sound still reminds me of you
I try to look for something that to hold on to
Cause I’m lost
Im numb without you
I tried to find some ways to free me from this blue
Cause everything still reminds me of you
Still remind me.......ohh....(remind me of you...)
Still remind me of you...

It was nothing --- or --- was it everything ?

It was almost a year ago. I was connected through a wifi in my friend's house in Singapore while my husband was having a serious talk with my friend. While doing some work, I chat with some of my friends. Suddenly a window popped and *ding* : Oii...

"It's him! I can't answer it!" I looked at my husband and my heart beat so fast.

*Does it always mean that you are doing something wrong if your heart beats fast?*

Despite all the heartbeats, the sweating, I took a decision to chat with him, Jamie. But then I was caught in the act, covered up with a lot of lies, anger and deceit. I was almost hit by my husband. It was one of the most horrible evening I had ever had in my life. I knew then...since that day, our marriage would never be the same anymore.

It was not the first time I deceived my husband. I did it once back on 2007. With an unacceptable reason I stood up and got angry also. "It was nothing. I had considered all of them as friends. So when I chatted with them, received their calls, it was just a friend getting in touch with a friend. Why bother too much?"

He couldn't understand. He stood strong on his ideas of an affair. Yes, according to him, I have had an affair, by receiving-replying emails, receiving calls, and chatting with my ex's.

Have I?